And so MONKEY KING begins to learn the TAO,
which involves all sorts of CHORES and eating PEACHES. Seven
years go by until one day SUBODHI gives a lecture about which
there is more poetry.
Now that is some good shit!
Ahh, you appreciate the Tao and youíve been here seven
years already. What would you like to learn?
How to be immortal.
I could teach you any one of the three hundred and sixty
divisions of the Tao.
Only if they can teach me to be Immortal.
SUBODHI then gets mad and hits MONKEY KING
on the head three times, and then walks away with his arms
folded behind his back, closing the main doors behind him.
You idiot, now look what youíve done. Who knows how long
heíll be in that hissy fit.
Thatís ok. Iíve already solved his riddle. By hitting
me three times, he means he wants me to wait for the Third
Watch; by walking away with his arms folded behind his
back through the main door, he wants me to enter by the
back door to receive his instruction in secret. Itís simple
And so MONKEY KING goes and sees SUBODHI by
sneaking into his room.
Come on, Master, wake up, I canít just wait around all
I see you solved my riddle.
It was pitifully easy, Master.
Ö It was?
That means you truly are a creature born of heaven and
Immortality makes you slow on the uptake, Master?
I guess itís time to start teaching you those immortal
MASTER SUBODHI teaches MONKEY KING all about
immortal arts. Surprisingly there is no poetry but there is
a hell of a lot of alchemical symbolism thrown about. Over
the course of SEVERAL MORE YEARS MONKEY KING learns how to
walk on clouds and masters seventy-two transformations.
Am I good or what?
Yeah, youíre pretty good, how about showing off?
Ok, watch this, now Iím a pine tree.
MONKEY KING does indeed turn into a pine tree,
at which all the STUDENTS laugh, disturbing SUBODHI who comes
out and scolds them all for being too loud.
You kids these days donít take anything seriously. WuíKung,
who told you to go and show off?
Aww, come on, it was just some fun.
Humph! Off with you! Get out of here!
What? But, I owe you for all that teaching and food and
No, you donít; now go on, get out of here! And if you
ever tell anyone that I was your master Iíll hear about
it and believe you me, Iíll skin you alive, break all
your bones and banish your soul to the Place of Ninefold
Ok! Ok! Geez! I promise already!
And so MONKEY KING returns to his home, spouting
poetry along the way.
Itís kind of catchy really. Hey, kids, Iím home!
Well it sure took you long enough! Here weíve been, oppressed
by a demon who kidnaps our children, steals our stuff,
and you never call, you never write!
What? A monster on my mountain?
Yeah, he calls himself Monstrous King of Havoc and he
lives north of here.
Iím the only king on this mountain. You kids go play;
Iím going to go kick ass.
And so MONKEY KING flies off to find some more
POETRY. He finds another mountain amidst all that poetry and
starts throwing his weight around.
Hey, King of Havoc, or whatever, come out here and get
your butt whipped.
KING OF HAVOC
Did you hear something? Don't I have a cool name?
Thereís a Monkey outside who claims heís the Lord of that
cave youíve been pillaging. He doesnít have any weapons
and heís dressed funny.
KING OF HAVOC
Well, get me my armor and Iíll have a look.
The KING OF HAVOC dons his armor amid more
poetry and steps outside.
Prepare yourself for a can of whoop ass!
KING OF HAVOC
You donít have a weapon, here Iíll put down my sword and
Itís your funeral.
They fight and MONKEY KING succeeds in righteously
kicking ass. When the KING OF HAVOC tries to cheat and get
MONKEY KING with his sword, MONKEY KING uses his hair to make
thousands of little monkeys who assist with the serious ass
kicking. MONKEY KING wins the battle and kills the KING and
all of his IMPS.
Yay! Weíre free! But how do we get home?
Got you covered.
MONKEY KING uses his TAOIST MAGIC to transport
all the little monkeys home.
YAY! You rock! Letís have a party!
Sounds good to me, oh, and we have a surname now. Weíre
Works for us! Letís party.
They all party.
Unless you know the story, youíll have to wait and read
the next chapter! I told you I was going to say that each