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WU’CHENG EN
Here, have some information about how the world was created.
It’ll give me a chance to show off my knowledge of the Tao,
Buddhism and throw around vague alchemical symbolism at the
same time. Aren’t I clever and smart? Oh, I’ll also throw
in lots of old poetry. Did I mention that I Iike poetry? There’s
this one poem…
STONE MONKEY
Hello? Can we get to me here?
WU’CHENG EN
Right. Right, I’ll tell you about that poem later. I’m going
to give you the precise measurements of a stone that was
created at the beginning of time. Please ignore the fact
that there wouldn’t have been anyone around at the time
to measure it. Are you sure you don’t want a poem? There’s
a poem about how the stone egg gave birth to a monkey.
STONE MONKEY
Cool! I’m alive, and made out of stone. Rock on! That pun
is very much intended.
STONE MONKEY bows to the FOUR QUARTERS because at this point
he is still polite, opens his eyes and flashes beams of golden
light at HEAVEN.
JADE EMPEROR
We have a really long title. No really, it’s long. Anyway,
what is that golden light that reaches us as we sit in our
Cloud Palace of the Golden Arches, in the Treasure Hall
of the Divine Mists? Think about it, if the name of our
Throne Room is that long you probably don’t want our title.
THOUSAND MILE EYE and FAIR WIND EAR
Over at Flower Fruit Mountain an immortal stone has given
birth to an egg that in turn gave birth to a stone monkey
who bowed to the four quarters and then opened his eyes.
That caused the golden light.
JADE EMPEROR
Oh, well that’s nothing to worry about then.
The JADE EMPEROR and other IMMORTALS go about
their business as if NOTHING is wrong. THEY will regret this
later. STONE MONKEY wanders all over the mountain and makes
friends with everybody, including lots of other MONKEYS.
WU’CHENG EN
Here’s another poem about what the Stone Monkey and his
new friends did. I’m so clever! I’ll also imply that these
monkeys are Buddhists! It’ll be important later, why I’ve
got a poem about that too!
MONKEYS
You know, if we don’t do something there’s bound to be way
too much poetry. So we’ve been hanging around this stream,
let’s see where it goes.
The MONKEYS follow the stream and find more POETRY,
as well as a WATERFALL which they think is grand.
MONKEYS
We’re easily amused. So who wants to jump into it and see
where all the water is coming from? Whoever does can be
king!
STONE MONKEY
Now that’s right up my alley. I’ll do it.
STONE MONKEY jumps through the waterfall and
discovers a bridge that leads to a strange CAVE, which turns
out to be “The Blessed Land of Flower-Fruit Mountain, the Cave
Heaven of Water-Curtain Cave,” which is a fully furnished house-like
place. STONE MONKEY calls for the other MONKEYS and no one thinks
a fully furnished cave is strange.
STONE MONKEY
You all said I could be king, so I’m king. I’m now Handsome
Monkey King.
MONKEYS
Whatever you say, king.
The MONKEYS enjoy a peaceful existence of about
FOUR HUNDRED YEARS until one day MONKEY KING sheds a few TEARS.
MONKEY KING
Someday we’ll all die.
MONKEYS
Gee, it only took you four hundred years to figure that
out? Immortals, Buddhas, and Holy Sages don’t die though.
WU’CHENG EN
See! See! Buddhas! There it is again! I’ve got this poem…
MONKEY KING
Ack! No, no poetry. Ok, tomorrow I’m going to go off and
find these people and I’ll learn how to be young forever!
MONKEYS
Ok, we’ll give you a party. Any excuse for a party!
The MONKEYS give MONKEY KING a party.
WU’CHEN EN
I’ve got a poem about this too! You want to hear it?
MONKEY KING
Ok, enough of that! I’ve got my raft, bamboo pole and some
fruit! Off I go!
And so MONKEY KING sets sail for the Lands of
the Immortals. He gets a good tail wind and makes to land in
record time. He finds humans on the shore going about their
lives.
HUMANS
AHHH! It’s a short monster… thing… RUN AWAY!
MONKEY KING manages to catch one and steals his
clothes. He then wanders around trying to find IMMORTALS. There
is a lot more POETRY.
MONKEY KING
Hmm, no Immortals here, just greedy humans, but look here’s
another ocean. I’ve already crossed one under improbible
circumstances, what’s one more?
And so MONKEY crossed the ocean and came to a
new land. He finds beautiful mountains there and because it’d
be a really short story if he were afraid of heights, he climbed
right up to search for IMMORTALS.
MONKEY KING
Greetings, Immortal.
WOODCUTTER
Huh? WTF?
MONKEY KING
You were singing, and that means you’re either an Immortal
or the author who has this strange fixation with poetry
and since you can’t be the author, you must be an Immortal.
WOODCUTTER
I’m not an immortal but my neighbor is, because here ordinary
people have Immortals for their next door neighbors. This
is the Mountain of the Heart and Mind, my neighbor lives
on the Cave of Slanting Moon and Three Stars just in case
you wanted the long name.
MONKEY KING
What’s the short name?
WOODCUTTER
Mountain number 3,472.
MONKEY KING
I see why you go with the long form.
WOODCUTTER
Anyway, follow this path south, you can’t miss it.
MONKEY KING
Thanks!
MONKEY KING follows the WOODCUTTER’S directions
and encounters more poetry and a CAVE.
MONKEY KING
Ahh, this must be the place but the door is shut, I’ll just
sit up in this tree and wait, someone will come out eventually,
otherwise this will be a really short book.
MONKEY KING sits up in a pine tree until a YOUNG
BOY, who appears to be an IMMORTAL, opens the door.
YOUNG BOY
Who’s raising a ruckus out here?
MONKEY KING
That would be me. I’m seeking the way of immortality, got
any of that around here?
YOUNG BOY
Boatloads. Come on in, we’ve got a fresh pot of the stuff
brewing.
MONKEY follows the YOUNG BOY into a GREAT BIG
CAVE with lots of rooms and windows. They finally reach a platform
made out of GREEN JADE and the IMMORTAL SUBODHI and of course,
some more poetry.
MONKEY KING
I shall now bow, which shows I really respect you.
I came all the way from the Water-Curtain Cave on the Flower-Fruit
Mountain in the Ao-lai Country of the East Purvavideha Continent,
if you want the long name.
SUBODHI
What’s the short name?
MONKEY KING
Way the hell far away in the east.
SUBODHI
You came a long way then. Do you have surname?
MONKEY KING
No, and I have no parents. I was born from an immortal stone.
SUBODHI
Well, that’s certainly special. Since you look like the
kind of monkey called hu-sun I’ll give you the
surname Sun. As well as explain a very deep meaning to this
name by breaking down the character that forms Sun into…
MONKEY KING
Don’t get started or we’ll get more poetry. Since you’ve
given me a surname, how about a personal name too?
SUBODHI
Ok, let me explain the division of my students, in a rather
long winded manor.
(He does so)
Now, for reasons I shan’t reveal, or perhaps because the
author is just clever, you belong to the tenth generation,
blah blah blah, so your name will be Wu K’ung “Awakened
to Emptiness,”
WU CHEN’EN
Which is perfect for Buddhism!
MONKEY KING
Great, I have a name. Let’s get down to some serious studying
of the Tao, baby.
WU CHENG’EN
And so the Handsome Monkey King was born, secured a kingdom
and got a name and I was clever with poetry and allusions
to Buddhism and alchemy. If you want to know anything else,
you’ll have to read the next chapter. I plan to end every
chapter that way; it’s a pretty standard ending in Chinese
writing. Get used to it.
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