Chapter 1: The story begins.

 


Main HB
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Main

 

Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Chapter 55
Chapter 56
Chapter 57
Chapter 58
Chapter 59
Chapter 60
Chapter 61
Chapter 62
Chapter 63
Chapter 64
Chapter 65
Chapter 66
Chapter 67
Chapter 68
Chapter 69
Chapter 70
Chapter 71
Chapter 72
Chapter 73
Chapter 74
Chapter 75
Chapter 76
Chapter 77
Chapter 78
Chapter 79
Chapter 80
Chapter 81
Chapter 82
Chapter 83
Chapter 84
Chapter 85
Chapter 86
Chapter 87
Chapter 88
Chapter 89
Chapter 90
Chapter 91
Chapter 92
Chapter 93
Chapter 94
Chapter 95
Chapter 96
Chapter 97
Chapter 98
Chapter 99
Chapter 100
Main

WUíCHENG EN
Here, have some information about how the world was created. Itíll give me a chance to show off my knowledge of the Tao, Buddhism and throw around vague alchemical symbolism at the same time. Arenít I clever and smart? Oh, Iíll also throw in lots of old poetry. Did I mention that I Iike poetry? Thereís this one poemÖ

STONE MONKEY
Hello? Can we get to me here?

WUíCHENG EN
Right. Right, Iíll tell you about that poem later. Iím going to give you the precise measurements of a stone that was created at the beginning of time. Please ignore the fact that there wouldnít have been anyone around at the time to measure it. Are you sure you donít want a poem? Thereís a poem about how the stone egg gave birth to a monkey.

STONE MONKEY
Cool! Iím alive, and made out of stone. Rock on! That pun is very much intended.

STONE MONKEY bows to the FOUR QUARTERS because at this point he is still polite, opens his eyes and flashes beams of golden light at HEAVEN.

JADE EMPEROR
We have a really long title. No really, itís long. Anyway, what is that golden light that reaches us as we sit in our Cloud Palace of the Golden Arches, in the Treasure Hall of the Divine Mists? Think about it, if the name of our Throne Room is that long you probably donít want our title.

THOUSAND MILE EYE and FAIR WIND EAR
Over at Flower Fruit Mountain an immortal stone has given birth to an egg that in turn gave birth to a stone monkey who bowed to the four quarters and then opened his eyes. That caused the golden light.

JADE EMPEROR
Oh, well thatís nothing to worry about then.

The JADE EMPEROR and other IMMORTALS go about their business as if NOTHING is wrong. THEY will regret this later. STONE MONKEY wanders all over the mountain and makes friends with everybody, including lots of other MONKEYS.

WUíCHENG EN
Hereís another poem about what the Stone Monkey and his new friends did. Iím so clever! Iíll also imply that these monkeys are Buddhists! Itíll be important later, why Iíve got a poem about that too!

MONKEYS
You know, if we donít do something thereís bound to be way too much poetry. So weíve been hanging around this stream, letís see where it goes.

The MONKEYS follow the stream and find more POETRY, as well as a WATERFALL which they think is grand.

MONKEYS
Weíre easily amused. So who wants to jump into it and see where all the water is coming from? Whoever does can be king!

STONE MONKEY
Now thatís right up my alley. Iíll do it.

STONE MONKEY jumps through the waterfall and discovers a bridge that leads to a strange CAVE, which turns out to be ďThe Blessed Land of Flower-Fruit Mountain, the Cave Heaven of Water-Curtain Cave,Ē which is a fully furnished house-like place. STONE MONKEY calls for the other MONKEYS and no one thinks a fully furnished cave is strange.

STONE MONKEY
You all said I could be king, so Iím king. Iím now Handsome Monkey King.

MONKEYS
Whatever you say, king.

The MONKEYS enjoy a peaceful existence of about FOUR HUNDRED YEARS until one day MONKEY KING sheds a few TEARS.

MONKEY KING
Someday weíll all die.

MONKEYS
Gee, it only took you four hundred years to figure that out? Immortals, Buddhas, and Holy Sages donít die though.

WUíCHENG EN
See! See! Buddhas! There it is again! Iíve got this poemÖ

MONKEY KING
Ack! No, no poetry. Ok, tomorrow Iím going to go off and find these people and Iíll learn how to be young forever!

MONKEYS
Ok, weíll give you a party. Any excuse for a party!

The MONKEYS give MONKEY KING a party.

WUíCHEN EN
Iíve got a poem about this too! You want to hear it?

MONKEY KING
Ok, enough of that! Iíve got my raft, bamboo pole and some fruit! Off I go!

And so MONKEY KING sets sail for the Lands of the Immortals. He gets a good tail wind and makes to land in record time. He finds humans on the shore going about their lives.

HUMANS
AHHH! Itís a short monsterÖ thingÖ RUN AWAY!

MONKEY KING manages to catch one and steals his clothes. He then wanders around trying to find IMMORTALS. There is a lot more POETRY.

MONKEY KING
Hmm, no Immortals here, just greedy humans, but look hereís another ocean. Iíve already crossed one under improbible circumstances, whatís one more?

And so MONKEY crossed the ocean and came to a new land. He finds beautiful mountains there and because itíd be a really short story if he were afraid of heights, he climbed right up to search for IMMORTALS.

MONKEY KING
Greetings, Immortal.

WOODCUTTER
Huh? WTF?

MONKEY KING
You were singing, and that means youíre either an Immortal or the author who has this strange fixation with poetry and since you canít be the author, you must be an Immortal.

WOODCUTTER
Iím not an immortal but my neighbor is, because here ordinary people have Immortals for their next door neighbors. This is the Mountain of the Heart and Mind, my neighbor lives on the Cave of Slanting Moon and Three Stars just in case you wanted the long name.

MONKEY KING
Whatís the short name?

WOODCUTTER
Mountain number 3,472.

MONKEY KING
I see why you go with the long form.

WOODCUTTER
Anyway, follow this path south, you canít miss it.

MONKEY KING
Thanks!

MONKEY KING follows the WOODCUTTERíS directions and encounters more poetry and a CAVE.

MONKEY KING
Ahh, this must be the place but the door is shut, Iíll just sit up in this tree and wait, someone will come out eventually, otherwise this will be a really short book.

MONKEY KING sits up in a pine tree until a YOUNG BOY, who appears to be an IMMORTAL, opens the door.

YOUNG BOY
Whoís raising a ruckus out here?

MONKEY KING
That would be me. Iím seeking the way of immortality, got any of that around here?

YOUNG BOY
Boatloads. Come on in, weíve got a fresh pot of the stuff brewing.

MONKEY follows the YOUNG BOY into a GREAT BIG CAVE with lots of rooms and windows. They finally reach a platform made out of GREEN JADE and the IMMORTAL SUBODHI and of course, some more poetry.

MONKEY KING
I shall now bow, which shows I really respect you. I came all the way from the Water-Curtain Cave on the Flower-Fruit Mountain in the Ao-lai Country of the East Purvavideha Continent, if you want the long name.

SUBODHI
Whatís the short name?

MONKEY KING
Way the hell far away in the east.

SUBODHI
You came a long way then. Do you have surname?

MONKEY KING
No, and I have no parents. I was born from an immortal stone.

SUBODHI
Well, thatís certainly special. Since you look like the kind of monkey called hu-sun Iíll give you the surname Sun. As well as explain a very deep meaning to this name by breaking down the character that forms Sun intoÖ

MONKEY KING
Donít get started or weíll get more poetry. Since youíve given me a surname, how about a personal name too?

SUBODHI
Ok, let me explain the division of my students, in a rather long winded manor.
(He does so)
Now, for reasons I shanít reveal, or perhaps because the author is just clever, you belong to the tenth generation, blah blah blah, so your name will be Wu Kíung ďAwakened to Emptiness,Ē

WU CHENíEN
Which is perfect for Buddhism!

MONKEY KING
Great, I have a name. Letís get down to some serious studying of the Tao, baby.

WU CHENGíEN
And so the Handsome Monkey King was born, secured a kingdom and got a name and I was clever with poetry and allusions to Buddhism and alchemy. If you want to know anything else, youíll have to read the next chapter. I plan to end every chapter that way; itís a pretty standard ending in Chinese writing. Get used to it.